If you’re spending time with a loved one who has Alzheimer’s, you know the conversations can sometimes get… well, repetitive. (How many times can we talk about lunch, right?) But here’s the thing: repetition is part of the disease, and it’s not their fault. That said, it’s okay to feel a little stir-crazy and want to gently redirect the conversation to something more joyful or engaging.
Over the years, I’ve found a handful of conversation starters that bring a smile to Mom’s face (she’s my mother-in-law, but after 23 years, she’s family). These little sparks can turn a tough visit into a moment of connection—and honestly, they’re a sanity-saver when we get stuck in the “question loop“. Here are 13 ideas to try, especially when you’re ready to steer the chat somewhere fresh and comforting!
1. Family Happenings and Heartwarming Updates
Mom LOVES hearing what everyone is up to. We talk about what the grandkids are doing in school, how our daughter’s volleyball team is doing, or what the great-grands are learning in dance class. Even if she won’t remember the details, it lights her up in the moment—and that’s what counts.
2. What the Neighbors and Nursing Home Friends Are Up To
It might sound small, but chatting about people nearby—like other residents or staff—is a great way to ground the conversation in the present without relying too much on memory. We talk about who brought cookies today, who got a haircut, or how silly the guy down the hall was acting at lunch. Even if she doesn't remember their names, it gives her a sense of community and helps her feel part of the action.
3. What’s Around the Room Right Now
When we’re stuck, I look around and just start talking about what’s nearby. That Christmas tree we keep up year-round? It’s a conversation starter every time. We decorate it for fall/winter and spring/summer, and it’s so funny having to explain what season it is—especially since we live in Florida, where it basically looks the same 365 days a year!
4. Seasonal Fun: How We’re Decorating the Tree This Time
From little pumpkins and leaves in October to bunnies and flowers in April, our all-year Christmas tree gives us something new to talk about every few months. We ask her for ideas on how to decorate it next, and even if the suggestions repeat, it makes her feel involved.
5. Mom’s Glory Days: Reminiscing About Her Past
One of the BEST ways to break a loop is to take a stroll down memory lane. We chat about her childhood, her sisters, and the things she did with her husband when they were younger. I never mention that her sisters have passed—instead, I say things like, “Remember how you and Caroline used to bake together?”
6. Good Old Fashioned Recipes and Favorite Foods
Food memories are powerful. We often talk about making Christmas cookies together (I swear she could still recite the whole frosting process). She lights up when we talk about favorite family meals, and sometimes I even bring in cookies to share—instant nostalgia!
7. Songs That Bring a Smile (and Maybe a Sing-Along)
Okay, so Mom isn’t into singing anymore, but for many people, music is a magical doorway to the past. I always recommend trying classic hits, hymns, or whatever your loved one listened to growing up. Music reaches places that words sometimes can’t.
8. Old TV Shows and “Remember When” Actors
Now THIS is our jam. Mom’s memory has kind of met me in my childhood—we talk a lot about Lawrence Welk, Abba, and old shows that make us both smile. It’s wild how those connections linger. We’ll even watch a few minutes together, and suddenly we’re both back in time.
9. Animals—Past Pets, Funny Stories, or Her Beloved Cat
Elsa the cat is a nursing home celebrity—and a frequent topic of conversation. We also talk about the little dog she had that now lives with us. Animal stories are such an easy way to bring up warm feelings and gentle laughter. Don’t be afraid to bring up pets from long ago—they often remember them with surprising clarity.
10. The Weather—Yes, Really! And Why It Still Works
I know it sounds boring, but weather works. Talking about the sky, the temperature, or whether it rained last night often leads to memories about past seasons or holidays. Even in Florida, where it's perpetually summer, Mom still gets a kick out of hearing how cold it is “up north.”
11. Flipping Through Magazines and Picture Books
Mom can’t read books anymore, but she loves magazines. We sit and flip through pages of Better Homes & Gardens or old family photo albums. She might not say much, but sometimes one picture will trigger a whole story. It’s like fishing for memories—you never know what you’ll catch.
12. Clothes, Jewelry, and “Where Did You Get That?”
Complimenting her outfit or showing her a new pair of earrings is a sweet way to start a conversation. She’ll often ask, “Where did you get that?” (many times in a row—but hey, it’s still a conversation!). Even brushing her hair can spark chatter about how she styled it when she was younger.
13. Simple Routines and What’s Coming Up Next
We talk about lunch. A lot. But I try to pair that with “what’s next” type questions: “Are you ready for Bingo later?” or “Should we go for a walk after lunch?” It’s grounding and gives her something to look forward to—even if she forgets it in a minute.
Wrap-Up: Loving Conversations That Matter
Talking with a loved one who has Alzheimer’s can be hard, but it can also be filled with little joyful wins. These conversation starters are like keys—each one might open the door to a laugh, a memory, or a moment of peace. Whether you’re reminiscing about ABBA, admiring the Christmas tree (in July!), or talking about lunch for the fifth time, remember this: your presence matters. The connection is real, even if the memory isn’t.
Here are some more great articles about Alzheimers that you might love!
- 5 Ways to Handle Alzheimer’s Repetitive Questions
- Why Do Alzheimers or Dementia Loved Ones Lie?
- 15 Tips For New Alzheimer Caregivers
