Let’s get real: getting an elderly parent to shower can feel like wrangling a stubborn goat. You love them, but by day three of that same dress? You’re ready to raise the white flag. If you’ve ever caught a whiff of some lingering smell and had that “oh heck no” moment, you’re in the right place!
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I’ve been there - and lived to tell the tale! These 9 tricks are here to save your sanity, your nose, and maybe even a tiny bit of their dignity. Here we go!
1. Life’s Changing Routines
Many older adults didn’t grow up with daily showers - for my mother in law Saturday bath night was a thing. So if they’re used to weekly bathing, daily showers might feel excessive.
Instead of pushing your own hygiene standard, negotiate a compromise. Try setting a manageable goal - every three days, for instance - and create a routine around it. Respect their history while easing them into a new norm!
2. Safety First
If your parent is afraid of falling, it’s not stubbornness - it’s self-preservation. And honestly? Totally valid! A slippery shower is scary.
To help:
- Install grab bars inside and out
- Use a non-slip mat
- Add a shower seat
- Set the water temp beforehand
- Offer an arm to hold getting in and out
Reassurance goes a long way here. Remind them, “I’ve made this safe for you.”
3. Privacy & Dignity
Modesty doesn’t disappear with age - it can actually increase. No one likes to be naked and vulnerable, especially in front of family.
To ease the discomfort:
- Let them wear a towel or robe until the last moment
- Use a shower cape or oversized towel to preserve modesty
- Offer to stay nearby but out of sight if possible
It’s about control. Give them some power back in a situation that can feel very exposing.
4. Time Gets Blurry
“It was yesterday!” they’ll say - when it was clearly five days ago. Time doesn’t register the same way anymore.
Don’t argue - redirect. Try a gentle, “Hey, let’s get cleaned up before lunch, okay?” Or use markers like, “Remember, we always bathe after watching Jeopardy.” Creating visual reminders or linking to routines can anchor the day better than a calendar!
5. Make It a Date
Want to guarantee a clean parent? Put an event on the schedule. Whether it’s a doctor’s visit, Sunday church, or even a weekly lunch date, tie hygiene to something they enjoy or respect. For my Mom this was going to the doctor... she would always be willing to shower before an appointment!
Then start the prep early - “Lunch is at noon, let’s shower around 10 so we’re fresh!”
Pro tip: Create “shower-worthy” occasions on your calendar weekly if you’re lacking real ones. I could also get a shower if I bought her lunch out at her favorite restaurant (plus it was fun spending time together!)
6. Bring in the Big Guns
Sometimes your voice becomes background noise. But a different voice? Gold. For me this is her son, my husband who could be the "enforcer".
Whether it’s a sibling, a spouse, or a friendly neighbor, use the authority figure strategy sparingly to preserve its impact. “Hey Dad, Uncle Joe says you guys should freshen up before watching the game.” Boom - compliance.
Keep this card up your sleeve for when your patience is wearing thin!
7. Pre-Game the Routine
Success starts before the water even turns on. Set the stage:
- Lay out clean clothes
- Warm up towels in the dryer
- Start the shower and set the temperature
- Remove options to “dress and go” (no pants till you rinse - this was a reader tip who said it worked a treat!)
Even small details matter - like playing relaxing music or using their favorite scented soap. A peaceful setup = lower resistance!
8. When Enough Is Enough
That moment you spot poop down the back of their legs? Yeah, we’ve all been there. It’s shocking, a little sad, and mostly just gross. At that point you have to get SUPER direct... “Mom, you’ve got poop on your legs. We’re showering. Now.”
This was a real life situation and being forceful worked - but here’s the key: don’t wait for a crisis!
If you're noticing odor or hygiene slipping, speak up kindly before it gets to emergency mode. And yes, sometimes the shock factor is the only thing that works...sigh.
9. Pick Your Battles
Here’s your permission slip: you don’t have to win every fight. Sometimes, hygiene can take a backseat for a day. If tomorrow’s a big family event and they’ll definitely shower, then let today slide.
Choose your moments, conserve your energy, and celebrate small wins. Progress over perfection, always!
Wrap-Up
There you have it - a mix of tough love, clever tricks, and tender understanding to help you navigate the shower saga. Caring for an elderly parent is not for the faint of heart, but you’re doing an incredible job!
Take a breath. Take a break. And remember—you’re not alone!
Here are some more great articles that you might love:
- 9 Dignity-Saving Products for Elderly Bathroom Accidents
- 6 No Fail Ways To Get Rid of Pee Smells In Bathroom
- 5 Ways to Handle Alzheimer’s Repetitive Questions
