Today, we’re diving into confabulation, delusions, and hallucinations in dementia and Alzheimer’s, exploring why our loved ones sometimes seem to “lie.” Plus, I’ll share tips to help caregivers protect both themselves and their loved ones when these stories become overwhelming.
Are They Really Lying?
First, let’s clarify what we’re really talking about!
There are three main types of “lying” associated with dementia and Alzheimer’s. When I first encountered these, I was completely confused about what my mom was experiencing. As a caregiver, I frequently see discussions about this in support groups, so I wanted to dig deeper and understand what was happening.
Confabulations
According to Wikipedia, “Confabulation is a memory error defined as the production of fabricated, distorted, or misinterpreted memories about oneself or the world, without the conscious intention to deceive.”
Think of Brian Williams, the news anchor who mistakenly recounted being on the front lines of a battle when he wasn’t actually there. He wasn’t intentionally lying; his brain had reconstructed the memory incorrectly.
Hallucinations
Hallucinations occur when someone sees, hears, smells, tastes, or feels something that isn’t there. These experiences can be frightening or simply a distortion of past events. Initially, I thought my mom was hallucinating, but her experiences leaned more toward confabulation or delusions.
Delusions
The Alzheimer’s Association defines delusions as “firmly held beliefs in things that are not real.” This can manifest as paranoia, such as believing a neighbor is spying on them or that a caregiver is stealing. While these beliefs aren’t real, they feel completely true to the person experiencing them.
What Kinds of Stories Do They Make Up?
Now that we understand the different types of false memories, I can confidently say my mom falls into the confabulation and delusion categories. She doesn’t see things that aren’t there, but she distorts reality and strongly believes things that aren’t true.
Weird Stories
One recurring delusion my mom has is that a Realtor is coming over to discuss selling her condo. This is strange because my best friend is the actual Realtor who would sell her place, and my daughter currently lives there, paying rent.
Trying to analyze why this thought arises is pointless. Is she sad she no longer lives there? Did she receive a flyer from a Realtor? Who knows! The best approach is to acknowledge her concern and move on.
Funny Stories
One time, Mom was in a nursing home for a short stay and started planning her room in our house. She even wanted to buy a gas grill—for her carpeted bedroom! At the time, I stressed out and tried to reason with her, but looking back, I should have just played along. She forgot about it the next morning anyway!
Scary Stories
One night, Mom called from an unfamiliar number, convinced she was in Key West (where she lived 20 years ago), locked in a nursing home, and abandoned. She was frantic. In reality, she was just 15 minutes away from us, and I had left her two hours prior.
This episode was due to a UTI (Urinary Tract Infection), which can significantly impact memory in dementia patients. I wish someone had warned us to watch for UTIs—they can cause serious confusion!
Sad Stories
Some dementia patients accuse caregivers of stealing or believe they’re in danger. This is heartbreaking for both parties. My mom, for example, often forgets that I carry her wallet because I handle her prescriptions and doctor visits. While my actions are practical, in her mind, she might see them differently.
Hurtful Stories
Some caregivers experience devastating accusations, such as being accused of infidelity, abuse, or even attempted murder. If you’re facing serious false allegations, reach out for professional help. Document interactions, use nanny cams if necessary, and communicate with doctors and authorities to establish a record of care.
Additional resource: 7 Things To Try When Dementia Is Being Hateful
Where Do These Stories Come From?
Dementia doesn’t follow logical patterns, but here are some potential sources of these fabricated memories:
- The Past – Confabulation often blends old memories with current situations.
- Phone Calls – Many telemarketers target the elderly, sometimes planting strange ideas.
- Television – Watching certain shows can spark misplaced fears or confusions.
- Newspapers – Negative news stories can be misinterpreted as personal events.
- The Internet – Online shopping, misinformation, and scams can create confusion.
- Past Trauma – Unresolved fears or experiences may resurface in unexpected ways.
Caring for the Caregiver
Caring for someone with dementia is exhausting. You must protect both your loved one and yourself. Here are some essential self-care strategies:
Keep Yourself Safe
If your loved one is making serious accusations, document everything. Use nanny cams, keep detailed records, and notify doctors or legal professionals if necessary.
Recognize Gaslighting
While most dementia patients don’t lie intentionally, some may have a history of manipulative behavior. If dementia is layered on top of narcissism, the result can be even more challenging.
Stay Grounded in Reality
Talk to supportive family members, join online support groups, or seek professional counseling. This is the “put your oxygen mask on first” situation. Taking care of yourself ensures you can better care for your loved one.
Dementia and Alzheimer’s present unique challenges, but understanding why our loved ones create stories helps us respond with empathy and patience. While we can’t change the disease, we can change how we react, making caregiving a little less stressful for everyone involved.
Here are some more great articles that might help you out:
- 23 Fun Ways To Battle Dementia and Alzheimers Caregiver Burnout
- Dementia Caregiver PTSD… It is a real thing!
- Tips and Ideas To Get Your Alzheimers or Dementia Parent To Eat
