As an INTJ female I supposedly live in rare air. There aren't a ton of us and I have a feeling that on the spectrum I am way over at the far end. Many of my character traits are more often found in men, which, if I cared about other people's opinions might have made me sad!
Why I Wrote This Post About INTJ Women
Okay, maybe it is just me, but I LOVE personality tests! I figured out how to get dressed by combining the DISC Personality profile with a fun gal's dressing rules and knowing the results of Gretchen Rubin's 4 Tendencies made me feel better about why I ask questions ALL THE TIME!
But I am writing this specifically for women who are trying to figure out if they are actually INTJs. Because I am SO me, and getting worse ever day, and I have achieved the ripe old age of 53, I have come to terms with embracing all the good (and bad) aspects of my INTJ-ness.
In any testing situation I come off the charts the same way. In the DISC I am SO D that I got free training because I scored so high that they wanted to work with me because of my determination. In the INTJ I epitomize all aspects perfectly.
Maybe if you found this post you can hold your thoughts and feelings up to mine and find some answers.
Oh and being an INTJ, I am writing this because I find so many people THINK they are INTJs or for some weird reason HOPE they are INTJs and that makes me grumpy! HA!
What Are The Characteristics for an INTJ Woman?
According to the Myers Briggs, an INTJs are Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, and Judging
Introverted (I) – Meaning that you get charged by being alone.
I hate parties…. I stand around all derpy and wonder why everyone is having such a good time. I don't like small talk and don't really care to hear stories about your kids (but I do like dog stories because dogs are cool).
I have a pretty big family, 3 kids, a husband and a mother in law who lives with us. Most of the time I am with them I spend telling myself to pay attention to them instead of what I really want to be doing, obsessing about whatever interests me right then. I pay attention because I love them fiercely and WANT them to know that, but it is an effort!
My favorite thing in the world to do is sit in at a quiet bar, by myself and look at my phone. I have beer on tap, someone to fetch it, I can tell myself I am being people-y because others are there but I don't have to talk to them.
Intuitive (N) – Big picture thinkers who don't like to get bogged down in the details.
I love starting new things or learning new things. Because I suffer from depression I sometimes have to dig myself out of a hole. One really bad one got cured by learning about essential oils. It wasn't the oils but the realizing that there were interesting things to learn that worked.
Doing anything like accounting or numbers is seriously hard for me! The details required for that kind of concentration are raising my blood pressure right now talking about it.
My poor assistant years ago must have thought I was crazy person with all the great ideas and plans that I told her about. Some worked and some didn't but that wonderful woman was always there to tell me she thought they were great ideas!
Thinking (T) – Is whether you use logic or feelings to make decisions.
This might be my highest of high traits! I don't agonize over decisions, I research and then make a decision and move on.
Conspiracy theories make me crazy. Like we could REALLY get thousands of people to keep their mouths shut over time and all agree? The moon landing happened and the world is round people. And for another thing, don't you have something better to do than to worry about those things?
Thinking people are also thick skinned. I REALLY don't care what anyone thinks of me. In fact my friends all say, “what would Tara do” when someone is mean or critical of them.
And it is not in the narcissistic way where it is showy, I just don't care or even understand why they are thinking about me at all… because I am for sure not thinking about them.
This is my favorite trait because I feel like the it is the pinnacle of my success in everything in life! I don't care what the other mothers do, I am a mama bear for my kids and protect them with my own style. I don't care if you think it is stupid talk about crafts and personality tests and pets on one blog… it is my blog and I am the boss of it!
Judging (J) – Is how we like things to be ordered and run on time!
I have made a business line of planners because I while I hate accounting, I love having a system that I can just work through. I also don't care who makes the system… if someone tells me THEY have a system and it works I can just jump in without a whole lot of questions.
I am on time or early for everything. People who can't manage their time drive me nuts. How can it be so hard to realize when you have to be somewhere?
My doggies know the “rules” of bedtime. We go into the room at 9:15 every night… first they get pieces of cheese, then they get treaties. Then about an hour later they get another treaty and we go to sleep. Every night.
One of the reasons we were picked to adopt our kids was that my husband and I are both J's. We have a high amount of structure to our home that helped our kids recover from the trauma of being in foster care.
And no! I don't think structure is boring, by having all those things laid out perfectly, I can do whatever I want AND make sure everything gets done that needs to happen!
Famous INTJ Females
I LOVE these gals and am super proud to be in their ranks! AND I am sad so that so few historical figures were INTJs. Because of the subservient role women had to play for so many years, we for sure weren't celebrated for our gifts!
Susan B. Anthony – Women's right activist… where would the world for women be without her?
Jane Austen – Wrote powerful books at a time when women weren't known to be writers or even have a career outside the home!
Emily Bronte – Another author… maybe back then the only acceptable way for INTJ women to be creative was to be novelists?
Hillary Clinton – Whether you love her or hate her, she is a force to be reckoned with!
Katie Couric – Television host and proof that we can be nice AND forceful at the same time!
Jodie Foster – Child movie star who went on to play a series of stunning roles about powerful women.
Angela Lansbury – Has had a lifelong career in the movie and television industry that does NOT like when women get “old”.
Martina Navratilova – World class tennis player… work that determination woman!
Michelle Obama – What a woman! Supported her husband as President of the United States with grace and power.
Ashley Olsen – Played a child on a tv show, but then went on to quietly build a business empire with her twin sister.
Ayn Rand – OMG… I didn't even know she was a woman. Started a whole philosophical system named Objectivism which is all about being rational … imagine that?!?!
Maria Shriver – Activist who started a nonprofit organization, The Women's Alzheimer's Movement
Julia Stiles – Another great actor who tends to be super private while performing her craft amazingly.
Thanks to The Ultimate List of INTJ famous people for the help! That said, a depressingly small number of women are on this list…sigh.
General INTJ Female FAQs
I get A LOT of questions about my personality type (I think it is because I am special, it may be really be because I am weird!) Here are a few things that have come up over the years…
Where Do INTJs Prefer To Work?
I don't think it is a where, it is a how! I LOVE being an entrepreneur where I can control everything. But I also loved working for one boss who valued my opinion and often asked me to research new things to do to help improve the business.
What would not be good would be having to deal with people all the time (especially highly sensitive ones who would get their feelings hurt… I am a bit of a bulldozer).
Tell Me About INTJ Friends…. How Do They Stand You?
My friends (all 3 of them) are strong, independent women who value my opinion and have learned to only ask for it when they really want to hear it.
It is not that I don't have a filter (I hate when people say that), it is that I care SO MUCH that my female friends do what is right that I can come off as pushy.
SO MANY people have said they didn't like me when they first met me… glad I don't care what people think or that might have hurt my feeling.
Speaking of Feelings
I am NOT a sensitive person. I don't care about what you think unless I respect you and the list of people I respect is super short (like two hands short).
My whole family jokes that I have one feeling not multiple “feelings”. I guess that is fair. It takes A LOT to hurt my feeling but when you do I really can be sad and hurt.
Can Someone Who Is Judgey and Rigid Still Be Open Minded?
I don't know if it is really open minded or more not caring.
I don't care if someone would rather be called she/her or he/him. I don't care if someone wants to support Donut Day or Take Your Porcupine To Work Day, because it doesn't hurt me.
What I do care about deeply is whether it hurts someone else. So someone refusing to call a person by her gender preference DOES hurt that person and I think that is wrong.
I think this comes off as being arrogant or unfeeling, but it is more a benign neglect than active like that.
Is The INTJ Personality Type Aggressive, Mean or Nasty?
I direct and determined are better words.
Those words seem to imply intent against another person or group and don't fit. INTJs are more internally focused and rational. We spend very little time thinking about other people so spending energy to hurt someone else would be a waste of interesting time!
That said, we can come off as abrupt or cold when we work with people because we don't have the patience for all the niceties of society.
Do INTJs Care About Popular Opinion?
I feel like this is a sometimes thing. If popular opinion is well thought out and rational, then yes!
For example, I am a lifelong smoker (I KNOW, that is not great, but I started early and have been doing it for a long time) and I would love to smoke in restaurants like I did years ago.
But rationally I know that smoke will not stay in the “smoking section” and that secondhand smoke is bad so I go along with this popular opinion.
That said, I don't care what TV shows are popular, what clothing trends I “should” follow or which Bachelorette is on the ins or outs. Those things aren't interesting to me. PLUS picking your mate on National TV from a small pool of men is not rational!
Is An INTJ An Independent Thinker?
I had to wrap up with this one because we are the MOST independent thinkers! Whoo whoo! Winning one category!
Seriously, if you ask an INTJ her opinion you will get an unvarnished truth that you can rely on. You may not get the “right” answer, but you will get her perception of the answer!